You don't!!! That's exactly what happened today. I'm not going to say much about the situation, but i'll say what i can.

 Here I am thinking that i've got a variety of friends here. Anywhere from real chill, to really crazy!! Well, a couple of months ago i went on a trip with this person. We chatted all the way over telling stories of our lives. I mostly listened but i thought that we were really good friends. Turns out i was dead wrong! You know the saying kepp your friends close and you enemies closer? Yeah, that's the case here. She befriended me and i just found out that she doesn't like me because i foiled her plan to get Rob. I guess mutual friends were trying to get them together and then he met me, then we started dating. I have NEVER done anything to this lady and she doesn't like me because of a guy!!!! It also turns out that she was the one that was saying that i was writing some personal things on my myspace page! Really personal things!!!! Of course, there wasn't but she insists that i erased it. I've never writen anything like that...my sister and possibly my mom read those blogs religiously!!!! Why would i say such things! THEN! Another lady doesn't like me because i accidentaly hit on her boyfriend. It was really accidental, i didn't know they were dating! THEN...she makes him erase his myspace page! Geez!!! One mistake and she hates me! AND! IT GETS BETTER! THEY LIVE TOGETHER! SOOOO!!!! They probably sit around and talk about how much they hate me. And these people aren't even near my age...they are about 10 years or more older than me!!!!

 Seriously, there isn't anything to be jealous about just because i dated the guy you wanted. We're not dating anymore and it's not like he even likes her anyways. They think my life is perfect..HA! I dare them to trade lives with me for one day and see how they come out of it. They wouldn't be able to deal. Now, i have to act like i don't know because Rob is friends with this girl. Well now that i know, i can keep my guard up. I'm just glad that i have friends who are up front with me!

Well.... no call from Roland this morning. I knew he was too drunk to remember! !! HAHAHA! So, once again, i won't be on for a while. I'll be working for the whole rest of the week somewhere else and i won't have time to write. It's kinda boring, but better than my usual job. I'll stop complaining now.

 I really have nothing to talk about right now. I've been working long hours at work all week, so it's pretty boring. Oh yeah i forgot! I'm taking another Tango class on wed. I'm exited, but every time i go, the dance instructor always pairs me up with the guy that can't dance. And he's always stepping on my feet! I told myself last weekend that i was going to stop taking them, but i decided to follow though with it. I never follow though on anything. I one of those jack-of-all-trades, master-of-nothing kind of people. I know a little about everything but ask me to go into detail and you're not gonna get much.

Oh and i got asked out last night by this guy. First, he asked me if i spoke Spanish...in Spanish. I said no in English. Kinda embarrassing, i'm Mexican, but i don't speak a lick of Spanish. Turns out he's originally from Jersey and was stationed in Cannon, and he spent some time in Las Cruces, where i was born. Then he asked how long i'd been here, then he assumed i was married. I corrected him. (I hate when people think i'm married...I'M TOO YOUNG!) then he asked me out. The whole time he was asking me out i wanted to say no, but the only thing that kept on coming out of my mouth was yes!!! I doubt that i will go out with him, i'll just try and ignore him like i do all the other guys that try and ask me out.

 A couple of weeks ago, this other guy started talking to me at work. He's cute, Puerto Rican ya know. Well, that weekend i saw him at a club with his friend. I said hi first but he blew me off because he didn't recognize me out of uniform. Then he realized who i was and we started dancing. Might i add that i look really different out of uniform and that night i was wearing a very revealing dress with black stelletos. LOL! Well, to try and make the story shorter, i only see him when i'm drunk and the last time i saw him, i stupidly kissed him....along with a couple of other guys that night, but oh well. So i think that he got the wrong vibe from me cause the next weekend i was driving home and he called me. I told him i was driving home and he litterally begged me to come back to talk to him. So i did..only to find that he was drunk and wanted to make out. So i had to let him down gently and i told him that i was in a point in my life where i am not trying to date anyone, and he either got offended or embarrassed cause now, he won't talk to me like he used to. That's what i get for being up front i guess. It separates the losers from the winners! LOL!

And another thing. Why do all the guys i meet freaking decide to ask me out when i'm at work? Can they seriously wait till they see me out of work to ask me, or is that urgent????

Well hello to all the people that are passin by my blog! Which, it isn't a lot but hey i'll take what i can get. Wow, the last time i blogged it was about my trip to Greece and me and Rob had just started dating. A lot has changed since then, so let me fill you in.

A lot of this surfaced up about the Greece trip and what happened behind my back, so i had to turn my back from Mitch. We are no longer friends and i haven't spoken to him since we've gotten back from the cruise. He made me a promise and he didn't keep it and he knew the consequences, and i just followed through with them. Yes, we were close, but when i arrived here, he was different, he took me for granted and treated me like i was a tag-a-long. I don't put up with that kind of behavior. Jenn talks to him. Soon after the cruise, he met someone and they got married recently. And that was that.

 In about August, Rob broke up with me. His reason was that he was f'ed up about his separation and everything. But, he wasn't ready to get into a serious realtionship with me or anyone else.I knew it since he was always so closed off with me, but i really liked him. So ya know what i did that night! I called Roland! For the first time in about FOREVER! I took some time away from him to get rid of my feelings for him. I called him so drunk and i was crying and well, it wasn't good at all. AND to top it all off, he was in the states. When he came back we hung out for the first time in about 6 months and then i found out he started dating someone else. Which i was fine with, i was just so estatic that i had him back in my life. He didn't tell me this until later, but he actually said that he missed me and i never thought that he would. I stopped talking to Rob for a bout a month. It was easier to transistion from being his girlfriend to just his friend considering we had been friends for a long time before we started dating. If you want to know more about how my relationship with Rob went, most of it is on myspace. Me and Roland are really really good friends now, however, there are still some feelings there on both our parts. But because he's leaving, i don't think that he will allow anything to happen and he just got out of the relationship with that other girl. But I think i have more feelings for him than he does for me . So basically, the 6 months did nothing for me. He's separating in July and i couldn't be happier for him, but i'm scared of what's going to happen to our friendship. Am i going to be one of those friends that he just happens to see one day after 5 years? Or am i going to be forgotten? I think that if he cares about me as much as he says he does, then we won't have a problem. But then again, Mitch said the same things. I shouldn't even be comparing Roland to Mitch because they are two competely different people! But that's what i'm thinking right now, and my hands are just typing out what is going on in my head. Rob is in the desert until August. He left in January and I miss him! Mostly because i moved out of my old house into a new one that was closer to his (like 6 minutes walking distance) and i was used to him coming over and watching movies with me and walking to the pizza place. I miss him terribly. Jenn is officially out of the military and as i write this, she is in Cairo on vacation before she returnes home. So all in all, my best gal-friend is leaving, my best man friend is leaving soon and the second man friend isn't here. Roland is busy doing whatever it is he does, and has a new dog, Zoe. And it doesn't help that i don't have weekends off because that's the only time that he is remotely free. So, i've been venturing out! I've been watching a lot of movies. I've gotten hooked on Sex and the City. Scratchy had kittens in September and i kept one of the kittens! She's a handful. I'm taking some ballroom classes. I'm starting out with Tango and then when i get really good at that, i'll try the others. I've put singing on the side for now because it was becoming boring and i needed change. I was really into my guitar, but then i kept getting my hands hurt at work and then they would bleed when i tried to play...yuck! Roland even bought me a little kid guitar. Which is easier for me to play because i have short arms! I've decided to put my dating on the backburner for now considering that i'm still trying to fall out of love with Roland and into the friendship kind of love. It's working so far, it's just taking some time. Plus, it's not like guys are pounding down my door to date me! Everyone at work gives me a hard time about it because i'm not "getting any" (i work with a lot of guys) but it doesn't bother me. I'm usually the one making fun of myself in that department. I'm just trying to reinvent myself because everything else is changing, i feel like i have to change too. The only thing that is reluctant to change is my job, which is still shitty, but hey what can i do ya know?

Hello everyone!

Yes, i know it's been a while! Well, since most of my friends are on Myspace, i've been posting on there, so go and check it out if you want. My name is Princess Consuela Banana Hammock or just look me up my e-mail address: salcido_jackie@hotmail.com! Look forward to getting your comments!

P.S. I really suggest that you look at the blogs...A LOT has changed since my last entry on the old blog!

CIAO!

Well, it's been almost a week since i've started work again. I still wish i was still on leave. The cruise was okay i guess. I think the number one thing that i did wrong was go with too many people. I think 2 other people would have been okay. But i did get a lot of sun bathing in and seeing Greece was totally worth it. I got to ride a donkey up to Santorini and i went volcano hiking ( it wasn't as fun as i thought cause i was hung over) and i went snorkling in Rhodes and i saw the ruins of the first gymnasium and track in Olympia.

  In case anyone is wanting info about taking cruises i have a little tidbits:

1. Don't be suprised if you see a lot of retired people and family on vacation. We were about the only ones that were in our 20s there. It sucked!

2. They include tips in the bill, so you don't have to tip anyone.

3. They add a grituity charge to everything that you buy and when i say everything i mean EVERYRTHING! It gets expensive.

4. The alcoholic beverages were so expensive that it made want to quit drinking. If possible, sneak alcohol in.

5. Most cruises will give you a card that you can bill all of your expenses to. So instead of using cash, you use the card they give you.

6. You pay all the bill at the end and if you overdraw or your card doesn't work, they don't let you off of the ship.

7. Don't plan on staying in a city for too long, usually only 4 hours at the most.

8. No matter how many times you have walked up and down the hallways and cabins, you still manage to get lost everytime you try and go back to your room.

 So far that's all i can think of. It was outragiously overpriced on the cruise. Lets just say that i was in the hole for money when i came back home. But besides that, everythings fine. Things with Rob are really progressing. I begin to like him more and more each day. Except i keep on having these weird dreams about him screaming at me and his ex wife trying to kill me with wire hangers.......

 The other day, he made the mistake of introducing me as Rachel instead of Jackie. Yeah not too happy, but i can't really blame the guy, he's been sayin it for 8 years! But i think we are even. We went out to eat with some friends of mine the night before the cruise and i accidentally mentioned something about an embarrassing story of his and i didn't mean to. oops...... oh well he got over it. I really haven't been staying at my house. okay, i may as well say it: We live together. But it's just like it happened, it wasn't planned. But now that i'm on nights again and he works during the day, we won't ever see eacthother. Well only for an hour each day. I guess i will live. Except that the more that i get close to him, the more i keep on having dreams with Roland in them. I think that i'm feeling some kind of guilt.

Well, that's about it for my blog kids!

 I never thought I would ever say this, but I think I actually found a group of people crazier than me. And I've come to the conclusion that theater people have no boundries when it comes to expressing themselves.....especially when you add a little drinking to the equation.

 My little Germany trip started out early. I only got 3 hours of sleep cause I had to do so much laundry that night. And i ended up flodding the laundry room....ooops. But anyways, I went with my friend Melissa in her car. We didn't really get lost because she has a GPS system in her car, but when she programed  the route, it took us that long way. It was supposed to only be a 9 hour drive....it ended up being 12 because we ran into traffic on the autoban. We left earlier than everyone else and we got there almost last! But we didn't have to pay a lot of tolls either so that was a plus. Well when we got there, there we a couple of people aready there and had slept and relaxed so when everyone finally showed up, we went to eat at TGI Fridays. Let me tell you, that is the only thing that i am jealous of. The air force doesn't have that but the army does??? WTF?! It felt like i was in the US for a split second. We ate and started drinking and after that we went to the bar and that's where it started getting alittle out of control.

 Well for one, they were having karaoke that night, so of couse we stole the show. But add a little liquor and beer and the songs got a little interesting. It was so weird. I had never walked into a bar with a crowd and just acted like we owned it. It was probably because there were a lot of guys there and there were some girls, but come on lets face it, AF girls are way better looking than the Army girls. Right as soon as we get in there people started showing their wild sides. And now, i can't ever look at them the same. It was almost like i was intimidated by them. I'm usually rowdy and real talkative when i'm drinking. Well on this occasion, i wasn't. I spent most of the night watching everyone else be silly. It's like they took my thunder! Which is fine, because sometimes i need to be mellow. But what really shocked me was that i already had like 5 beers and i didn't really feel anything but sleepy. Melissa finally got me to to some tequila shots. We took two and i could finally feel the alcohol running though my system. Well near the end of the night, i started talking a little more to this guy that i thought was really cute for a while and with my liquid courage i asked him out..I know i know i really don't do that type of stuff....but it never dawned on me that he had another love interest that was with us on the trip! And it all of a sudden clicked at the end of the night. So when i woke up the next morning...i felt so embarrassed (and i had a little hangover). So me and Melissa woke up early the next morning to get some shopping in. I had brought a pair of nice black slacks to wear to the awards show, but then i saw what everyone else was wearing and i had to go look for something else to wear. I kid you nnot, it was like i was going to prom. If i knew that it was going to be so dressy, i would have had my mom mail me my formal gown to see if it still fit! But luckily, i found a cheap dress because i had already spent over 100 euro at H&M. And if ya'll haven't discovered H&M yet, you are missing out. It's like Old Navy prices, but a better quality of clothes! So after that i realize that i didn't bring anything to do my hair with and neither did Melissa so we had to find the PX which as so freaking hard because it was separated from the rest of the post, and it looked like a warehouse...too weird. But we finally got one and we were running out of time so we didn't get to really sight see anywhere. So we went back, changed, and waited for everyone else to get ready because the show was about to start and people were already drinking. Well when we get there, some of the cast members were already seated and i sat by on of my cast memebers, with Melissa by my side. But then i saw someone that i would have never thought was going to come. My friend Joe had brought his fiancee and his friend Jason. i knew both of them though another friend Jenn because Joe's finacee, Bonnie was really good friends with her and Jason used to date Jenn. Also, Jason works in the same squadron as Roland. So as luck would have it, i ended up sitting by him and we got to talking and he had remebered a while back when our mutal friends had introduced us. But i think that Melissa and Joe had pre planned the seating arrangement. During the show everyone was drinking and i ran out of my wine in the middle of the act so i went up to get more wine. Well sure enough, Jason follows me and offers to pay for my drink! Okay, he scored some points for that. So we get  back to the table...the show ends. We got 6 trophies and 9 nominations at the end. We should have got best musical, because lets face it, Sondheim is pretty hard to do. So then he asks me what everyone else was doing. We were all going to the bar again, but i didn't think that he wanted to go because the night before he had backed out on TGI Fridays. But he ended up showing up and we didn't start hanging out till that very end of the night when i attempted to play pool. i was pretty drunk about this time. But Melissa kept on telling me that him and Joe were talking about me...and i'm oblivious to that kind of stuff. But when she said that, i automatically thought that they were talking bad about me because that's what a lot of people do which i brought some of it on myself, but most of the time i didn't. By the end of the night everyone ditched me and we walked home and ended up in his room. We talked until 4 in the morning then i attempted to walk home, i think i fell because i had grass all over my jacket........

 The next morning, me and Melissa leave for home and i was so tires that i fell asleep in the car. Jason and I are supposed to go out tonight, but i'm kind of apprehensive because one: He's leaving in June forever, and two: He dated one of my friends. I don't think they speak anymore and i really don't talk to her, but i still feel weird about it. and he is way older than me i think he might be in his early 30s. Ugh..enough writing i have to go to the doctor. My ear has been hurting since this weekend and i can't hear anything out of that ear. I hope it's not infected!

Well I finally get some time today to write in this...it's almost been 2 months since my last entry...wow!

 Anyways, I am finally done with my play and i'm glad it's over but at the same time, it's so sad and i feel like i need to occupy my time again with something.....but right now, i just don't have enough strengh. I need to relax and sleep a lot more than what i am right now!!!! The play has only been done for a week, so i'm still getting used to it. On top of that, i moved off base into a beautiful house with Jenn and another co-worker of ours, Joe. It's so relaxing knowing that you are actually going to a "home"  and not a little dorm room on base. It was like i couldn't get away from work...but i live so far out now that i'm far away when i'm off. I got a new car, new job, and well i still have the same boyfriend. Lets just say that he is going though some tough times right now. We finally talked a little last night about all kinds of things and i think that i may have opened him up a little. I'm slowly but surly gaining his trust, which is hard for him. But instead of me bitching and complaning like i usually do, i'm trying to be supportive and try to give him space when he needs it. And some uplifing advice too you know? He went home on leave and then when he came back...it was so different, he was different and so much had changed in my life since he had left. We didn't talk to eachother for a while, but he finally came around and now we're just taking it one day at a time. Plus now we live so close together, so he doesn't have to drive so far away to see me....only 5 minutes away!  But i still miss the old Roland. I guess i better get back to work.....i'll try and write more if i have time sometime today.

Once again, I had to start a fight with Roland today. I was irritated again! But you know what, I can't freakin help it! I'm the kind of person that I guess has a sense of urgency...probably more than others. But with him, I guess it's not and I am tryin so hard to be patient! I guess I need to try harder. Or maybe it's because i'm not getting my way????? I don't really know. In most of my relationships, I'm usually the one wearing the pants, you know not being the "typical needy girl". But the more that we've been seein eachother, the more i'm turning into those girls that I can't stand. I'm going to try a little harder not to nag at him like a mom is what i'm trying to say. Because everytime that I get in a fight with him...that's all that i see myself doing. Sometimes, when i think back or when i'm not angry anymore, i'm like "That was stupid of me to get mad at him for something so small." So then I feel stupid......but enough about that. Hopefully i see him tomorrow cause i leave for Germany on Monday morning for a week. But enough about this i have other things on my mind as well.

 Well, when i get back i have to do this USAFE Idol contest and i think i had mentioned it earlier in my last entry, but the more that i think about it, the more nervous i get. The only reason that i signed up for this is because there is a cash prize for the winners and if i get first place i get to go back to Germany to learn about performing from professionals. Plus, maybe it will get rid of some stage fight that i have. I know, i have sang many times in front of big crowds, but every time i get on the stage, i get that sick feeling in my stomach and then i start to shake a little. And i don't want to mess up because pactically all of the people from my squadron are going to be there because Services is hosting this thing, and the other singers are really REALLY good too. I know some of them. And i only get one rehearsal instead of the two because i'm getting back really late from Germany on Fri. So techically, i'll be winging it when the real thing comes around. And i want my friends to go and everything, but as soon as i look in the crowd and recogninze someone i know...it's all over from there. I don't want to look like an idot in from of everyone and i almost said f**k it and i'm not going to do it, but the guy that was in charge of the whole thing went to my squadrons orderly room and picked up the paper for me cause it was already overdue! And then the Commander said something about it.....so i've got a lot of pressure from everyone and i just don't want to let them down. Plus i am really competitive when it comes to music so i always find some mistake or think that i could have done better. I guess we'll just have to see how it goes. okay next topic:

 Today, a co-worker of mine said that next year, he is getting out of the military because he doesn't like our job, but that he is going to reenlist 6 months after to get another one and i didn't know that you could do that!!! So then he asked me the question that i ask myself every single day when i drive to work.."Are you going to stay in?"  And to tell the honest truth i have no idea. In 2 years, i have to decide if i want to get out or stay in. Two years might sound like it's a long way, but time flies! I want to stay in because all of the benefits and the steady paycheck, but at the same time i hate my job and don't want to be a cook for the rest of my life (well, we can work at other places, but i have a funny feeling that i will never get moved!) And i'm getting to be a moody person. I am no longer a friendly person at work. I used to be all nice to the customers and now i don't even care and it's not their fault (sometimes it is) but i am so unhappy when i am at work. And i bust my ass off at work and sometimes it seems like people don't even notice. Yeah i could get out, but i am afriad of not having the same stability. Sometimes i feel like i took the easy way out. I could have easily gone to college like the rest of the people my age, but in the military everything is handed to you. You have a place to sleep and eat and cheap places to buy whatever you need, not to mention the good paycheck and this is my first job. I love the military lifestyle, but if they're aren't any jobs that i can cross-train into, then i'm either stuck in the job i have now or get out and be poor. Sooo with all that said and since i have no idea what i want to do, i'm going to try my hardest to save up money now and when i go to the desert just in case. And it's going to be so hard because i can't save money for the life of me!  I don't even know what i spend it on half the time!!!!! I know that if i et out i will probably live somewhere in Texas either San Antonio, Dallas or Houston, but not EVER Dumas. Too small..not enough jobs...you get the point. And i would love to go back to NM but there really isn't anything there for me either and i contemplated on moving to Cali, but it's really expensive there. Maybe I'll just marry a rich man so he can take care of all my expenses and i'll just clean and cook for him!  any takers??????? LOL! Naw, i can't to that....i'm too independent for that. Well, i gotta go ....more later